b a t t l e c a t . n e t

I’ve been paying as much attention as possible to the ongoing debate surrounding the availability of the HPV vaccine in Australia. For that reason and others, I’ve been thinking quite a bit about my cervix lately and how having HPV and LLETZ may have changed my life.

The recovery from LLETZ, at the same time as starting travelling, definitely influenced the way things turned out between Dan and I. It’s impossible to go back and make a different decision. And that definitely changed my life.

When I found out about the second bad PAP smear, I bought my girl bits a present and that’s changed my life in an incredibly positive way. For the last couple of years since I found out about them, I’ve been intrigued by reusable menstrual cups. There’s a few on the market, The Moon Cup, Diva Cup or The Keeper, and because there was a South Australian supplier and I only had two weeks to go until I left Australia, I bought The Keeper.

I’m not going into gory details, but let me just say, using a cup is so much better than tampons. It’s cleaner, there’s no waste, it ends up being cheaper and most importantly, it’s reusable and environmentally friendly. If, like Jeimz dreams of, I had a store which sold stuff I loved and recommended – there would definitely be menstrual cups for sale.

Most importantly, one of the ways in which my life has been changing lately is that I realise that by writing I’m helping people think about what’s going on in their own life, whether that be a breakup or a sad cervix or a job they aren’t happy in. That’s an amazing thing, to have people write to me and say “Hey, thanks, what you wrote really helped me out.”

A week or so ago, I got an email from a young woman who’d just had the LLETZ procedure and she emailed asking me for advice. And I have to admit, I was way less gung-ho about the entire thing than I was when I wrote that post back in March. However, the email I wrote in response helped that girl, so at a later point I’ve pasted in the email I sent her, pretty much verbatim (names have been protected to change the innocent). If it helps another woman, I’m really glad. If I get statistics wrong or something – don’t shoot me.

I had exactly the same problem when I had to have the procedure. What information was on the web was really scary. I ended up getting into a kind of flame war on a cervical cancer support group because they were all quite negative about the procedure and the recovery.

Um, it was made a hell of a lot worse for me in that I got on a plane two days later and left Australia indefinitely. To go to China. Said goodbye to my mum and my bestfriends and everything familiar. So my romantic reunion with my now ex boyfriend was delayed by a month and god there’s a whole bunch of reasons, but to a certain extent that month of being exhausted and bleeding whilst travelling and not having sex did start off the end of our relationship. But then again, the reasons that we parted ways are far more complex than just my cervix needing surgery.

So my advice… Do not start travelling for a couple of months! Do not make any major life decisions for the next couple of weeks!

Physically I’m all recovered. Most of the time I completely forget about what happened. Though when I was recovering and bleeding it did occupy my thoughts a lot. And there’s a whole lot of other personal reasons why the first time we had sex was weird. But because I was stressed about it (oh my god, is my vagina broken etc), I did tense up a bit and that made it a little uncomfortable. And while we were doing it a mouse came and stared at us and did a mouse poo on the bed. Which was not the romantic reunion I had in mind at all.

But it was kind of funny.

I still have to go to the ob gyn for a checkup. That’s made a little bit difficult as I’m now living in Finland and have to deal with their medical system (luckily I can use my Australian Medicare card here). But my obgyn was sure that I would be fine.

What was reassuring was a friend who told me she’d had LLETZ a couple of times. And she said that while it is a little messy for a couple of weeks and invasive and everything, it isn’t that bad. And she’s due to have her first child soon. So everything must be good. The risks associated with pregnancy freaked me out… though now I’m not with the person who I intended to spend the rest of my life with, so it really isn’t an immediate issue at the moment. It’s a very common procedure.

It is one of the realities of HPV that for some people it can recur. Particularly if you’re stressed, unhealthy etc. It is a virus and like a cold sore it can return. But as I’m sure your doctor has told you, just go and have your regular checkups. My GP also recommended that I take 500mg of Vitamin E a day. Vitamin E helps with tissue healing and there’s anecdotal evidence that it can reduce the scarring from HPV & LLETZ. I figure that all that Vitamin E will keep my skin good, so it has a double benefit.

Emotionally, I did initially feel a little bit “dirty” and like I was too promiscuous or something. But if you are feeling that way you have to remind yourself that you could get HPV the first time you have sex. You don’t even need to be penetrated and you could still get HPV, especially as over 25% of the population has been diagnosed with it.

I’m so glad that they’re about to release a vaccine for HPV. While I wish I could have had access to it, I’m glad that other girls (and presumably guys) are going to have reduced risks of catching it.

So my immediate advice…

• Look after yourself.
• Get others to look after you too.
• Cry if you need to. But laugh too.
• Buy yourself presents. When you stop bleeding buy some new underwear! Let yourself feel as sexy as possible.
• Buy your vagina and cervix a present (ahem, a vibrator, a moon cup – diva cup (reusable menstrual cups – a million times better than tampons. Both for you and the environment! Ask me more questions if you’re intruiged…).
• Talk to your girlfriends about what you’re going through. They might have similar experiences, but they might also be prompted into getting a pap smear themselves.
• Be honest and loving with your boyfriend – not just about your physical feelings, but about any emotional or psychological issues that come up.
• Give your son hugs and marvel at how awesome your reproductive system is. Your body was able to make him, so your body will also recover from this. You are a woman and able to do anything!
• When you do return to having sex, make sure that you feel comfortable with the situation. Leave your son at your Mum’s or something. Have a date with your boyfriend, drink some wine or smoke a joint or something. Feel relaxed. Demand a massage and hours of foreplay! And be honest with your partner about how everything is feeling.

Perhaps I should have delayed meeting Dan in China for a month, my life might be different, I might still be with him. But all of the choices we take in life lead us to the now and the now is always perfect. I’m living in Finland and I’m enjoying myself so much.