I’ve lived overseas (on and off) for about 5 years now and it has always been with the knowledge that distance makes it much harder to maintain contact with family and friends. Either you’re here or you’re there, and despite the best intentions and the latest in technology it’s almost impossible to maintain or grow a relationship in the same way that realtime and realspace allows. There’s something about biorhythms, a shared physical environment, eating and drinking together that will always be more valuable than endless Skype conversations and email lists.

It’s one of the reasons why, even today, organisations still spend huge amounts of money and burn fossil fuels to organise face-to-face meetings and why for the last two years Tim and I spent weeks of time on train trips between Berlin and Linz. Luckily of course, I’m finally living in Linz and the tension that resulted from never being quite at home has begun to ease.

Being in a long-distance [romantic] relationship within the confines of Europe has also obscured the many other long-distance relationships that have evolved: all the many across Australia, to those scattered in Finland and Brussels, Newcastle Upon Tyne, the Norwegian bits of the Arctic Circle, Biggleswade, Sheffield, Brighton, Dunedin, London and beyond. Of course, now with the move to Linz, those who made up my community in Berlin are now more people far afield. Within my head when I think of these friends I also think of the people I’ve met briefly, desired as friends but have never had a full chance to become friends with.

So lately, as annoyed emails have begun to arrive from those I’ve neglected I’m trying to work out how to maintain these relationships, how to provide intermittent meaningful connections that transcend Facebook messages and work for those who are far less digitally embedded than I am.

Letters and packages I guess. I managed to send one off to Berlin yesterday.

That’s what’s been bugging me for the last week or so. Today though my tyrannies of distance are familial. My father has finally asked for me to come back home and visit him, sooner rather than later. He turned 76 last week and he’s been ill for ages, so this isn’t such a surprise.

I can remember when he rang up to tell me he’d been diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis and that slowly, his lungs were scarring and being eaten away by a autoimmune response. I was in Helsinki at the time and even though my memory places me in the flat on Mechelininkatu I lived there in 2006. Somehow that timing feels wrong, maybe it was when I was back in 2008?

So for at least 3 years while I’ve been away there’s always been the knowledge that one day I’d have to go back home to hang out with Dad and not really know how long I’d be back in Adelaide for.

What’s amazing though is that for far longer than was expected, Dad’s lung capacity stayed strong. Based on advice from a doctor friend and responding to data from drug trials on rats, he started to take high levels of anti-oxidants and until recently his lungs were good. But at the end of last year he was hospitalised following a stomach flu and as seems to be the way, suddenly felt, I don’t know what. His age? Breathless?

Putting aside the fact that Dad is ill, I am looking forward to hanging out with him some more. As a child he preferred to teach me maths than play sports, but as I’ve grown older I realise how much he’s influenced me – to love science and to be more of an independent worker than an employee. Without a doubt, one of the reasons why I’m with Tim is that in many good ways he reminds me of my father.

So yeah, I don’t really know how to finish this post. I still need to work out the best tickets and how to fit this around work and how to manage being away from Linz  so soon after I arrived here.

Maybe it will give me more motivation to write postcards.

A couple of friends started to write their own lists and a couple even made it up to 100. Recently Pete Hindle, returned to his list of 50 things and updated it with comments as to what had been achieved and his current thoughts on his list. Pete almost died and so has a) a really good excuse for not finishing things on his list b) his life has changed drastically which definitely changed his opinion about some of his learning items. It will be interesting to see if the life changes I’ve gone through (finally meeting a good man, getting a job, getting another job, travelling away from Berlin a lot) have affected how I feel about items on my list.

100 Things I Want To Learn (More) About… Updated!

1. Botany
   Hmmm. I haven’t yet learnt to identify plants using a taxonomy. So. No.
2. A musical instrument: guitar or cello
   Let’s just say that 360 days ago I was given a beautiful guitar and can barely play 3 chords. So this learning task is active, but moving slowly. Actually taking lessons might be the next step.
3. Haircutting
   I can cut boys’ hair if they have some curl to hide the mistakes. The mistakes aren’t as often or severe as they used to be. But I haven’t learnt any fancy techniques (yet).
4. How to make a sponge cake
   Really, why would I make a sponge when there are so many other amazing cakes to bake out there? Not Yet.
5. How to maintain my bicycle
   In general I’m better at working with bikes thanks to a couple of sessions at Regenbogen Fabrik’s bike workshop. But my bike in Berlin is not currently maintained – sadly the type of maintenance I know won’t make it better, it will just keep it existing for longer.
6. How to make bagels
   Nope. One day, when I’m making brunch for people. I do finally have a recipe I want to use.
7. Throat Singing
   Hah. I find the idea of throat singing fascinating, but I don’t want to learn it that much. Let’s just say I may have still wanted to impress my ex at this point.
8. Bookbinding
   Not yet. I don’t have anything I want to bind at the moment, and it’s pretty easy to get amazing notebooks in Berlin.
9. Basic Arabic
   Nada. But my amazing new flatmate is doing Islamic studies and she can write essays in Arabic.  I know who I’m going to ask for help.
10. How to make better Karelian pies
    I’ve not made a Karelian pie for ages. I think that visiting friends in Finland and buying Karelian pies has to be higher priority than making my own… I’m getting really good at making Spinach pancakes, one of my other Finnish food desires.
11. How to seed save from fruits like tomatoes
    I have nowhere to grow the tomato seeds that I’d save. Maybe not in 2011, but hopefully by 2012 I’ll have access to some proper garden space suitable for tomatoes.
12. Permaculture
    As above. Though I do like the idea that permaculture design principles can be applied to non-garden systems. See Fo.am: Groworld
13. Sociology basics
    This was related to the Friendship component of the DIY Masters. Sadly, the Friendship project was the most interesting, but has been the hardest lot of learning to start. I’m hoping that a related course will pop-up within P2PU one of these days.
14. Crocheting
    I need to sit down with someone who can crochet… I get the basics but get lost when I try to follow a pattern. In the world of crafts Knitting or Crochet is a question along the lines of Cats or Dogs and Tea or Coffee. I’d really like to crochet a granny rug like the one Claire from Loobylu is working on, but before I can do that I need to crochet one or two squares successfully.
15. Japanese rope work
    Ahem. Yep. I know more about this. Let’s just say that it’s a lot of fun.
16. Drums
    Guitar has to take priority. I don’t know if I was planning to start a one-girl band or something. I don’t think you can go from primary school recorder skills to multi-instrumentalist without practicing even one instrument.
17. Punctuation
    I don’t suck at using punctuation, but I’m not sure if I’m using it correctly all the time.
18. English grammar and editing
    Slowly working on improving my knowledge of this.
19. Basic electronics
    I don’t have anything I need or want to make at the moment. And electronics is a fairly empty skill to have if you’re not actively using it. I can make a light flash on an Arduino. I’m not sure if that’s even basic electronics though.
20. More screenprinting skills (especially light sensitive emulsion)\
    Nope. No time. But I have made some cool stencils for Time’s Up Boating Association.
21. Multi-coloured linocuts
    I finally bought myself some linocutting equipment and used it once to make a stamp for a gift. I did do multi-colour stencils. Does that count?
22. How to layout designs for laser cutting
    Not yet. As with electronics you need to have a project to work towards for this kind of stuff. I do finally have an idea of something that would actually be useful to make using a laser cutter…
23. Basic woodworking and carpentry
    I helped build a goddamn boat. Yes.
24. How to change a washer on a tap (relearn)
    I haven’t needed to change a washer lately. But when I do I will learn how to do it.
25. Pattern drafting, better skirts, shirts and trousers
    I made a skirt. I can’t imagine when I’m going to have the time to sew anything for at least a year. Yikes. But I am better at knitting socks now.
26. Typographic theory
    Nope.
27. Better CSS skills
    Slowly slowly. Not that you’d see evidence of this on my personal site.
28. Another CMS apart from WordPress, Drupal and perhaps Moodle
    I learnt how to use Silverstripe for my last job. It was great. I’m not convinced of the ease of use of Drupal and I’ve been on the student-end of Moodle. It sucks.
29. More knowledge about OS educational packages
    I’ll be helping out at the P2PU techsprint and have been doing a bit of work on a Personal Learning Environment (PLE). I’m really excited to see how Big Blue Button works.
30. Basic Esperanto
    Ne.
31. How to cut dogs’ toenails / claws without feeling icky.
    I don’t have a dog (yet).
32. Fishing: how to catch and clean a fish
    Yes! At least the head bopping kill bit and the cleaning up part.
33. Butchery: how to kill & dress a chicken
    Nope.
34. Basic charcuterie
    I’m good at eating bacon, but haven’t made any yet.
35. How to do a headstand / handstand in yoga
    No. But yesterday I downloaded a podcast which will apparently help me to master inversions.
36. Unicycle
    I wrote this when I was 29. Maybe I felt that street performance skills and the risks of broken bones were still a valid life choice.
37. Better knife skills for cooking
    I bought a sharper knife. This made the cutting easier and meant that I had to keep my fingers out of the blade’s way.
38. How to make the ex-beau’s chilli.
    I can spell A.S.S.H.O.L.E. now. And I can read recipes. Let me amend that to How to make good chilli.
39. How to make Mum’s tomato pie
    I have the recipe! Now to make it.
40. How to make baklava
    I live in Kreuzberg and am surrounded by Turkish stores. Learning how to make baklava right now would be a waste of baklava eating time.
41. How to write grant applications
    I figure this road to hell will enter my life soon. I also think that we might be developing a learning resource as part of the Free Culture Incubator workshop series.
42. How to write residency applications
    Not an artist. Maybe one day.
43. How to train a dog
    Still needing a dog to do this. One day. Apparently after our first child is born.
44. More Linux / Terminal commands
    sudo makemeasandwich -cupoftea
    no seriously, i can use VI now without even thinking about it.
    
45. How to talk about what I want and need with a partner without ending up crying all the time
    I am so good at this that I’m now engaged to be married.
46. Better German
    
    Yes it is better, but I’m not confident about it and still need to find time to attend more classes.
47. How to look after my heart better (emotionally, but physically too)
    See 45. Also I do exercise a lot more regularly.
48. How to start a project and stick with it
    I built a boat and knitted socks amongst other things. I think part of the trick here is choosing a project you actually are interested in working on.
49. Better money confidence – eg. how to invoice and get paid what I’m worth.
    Slowly, slowly. I still feel sick when I think about writing invoices, but at least I do it now.
50. How to make really good coffee / latte art – even if I can’t drink it.
    Not only does my flatmate know Arabic she is also an amazing barista. I know who I’ll get to teach me.
51. How to home brew beer.
    I realised that beer makes me depressed. My fiance doesn’t drink it either. I do like to help other people do homebrew, but I no longer see the need in learning to make it.
52. How to sail
    Yes! And I love it!
53. Falconry
    Really? I wanted to learn falconry?
54. How to make a great Manhattan
    I’m hoping to never work in a cocktail bar again. So this is very low priority.
55. How to make a whiskey sour
    Despite 54. I still like to drink whiskey sours. May still learn how to make this.
56. How to make the amazing soup dumplings from Shanghai
    I want a recipe, but have not yet found one that seems right.
57. How to pack light and look great with only a few clothes
    Slowly getting better at this. I really need to update my wardrobe. The only new clothes I seem to get are free Mozilla and P2PU tshirts.
58. Basic car maintenance
    I haven’t driven for almost two years now! But once I get back to driving more frequently this will have to be learnt.
59. How to prune roses
    Did I mention that I really want a garden?
60. How to prune fruit trees
    No really. One with fruit trees and roses. Crazy huh?
61. How to tune a guitar
    Yes! An electric tuner makes this so much easier. Electric tuners do not make it easier to get motivated to practice though.
62. Origami page fastening – no staples or paper clips
    Using a computer requires no paper fasteners. I actually pick up paper clips from the ground when I see them and then reuse them. And when I have readings from Uni I end up having to staple or bind them as there are so many pages.
63. Audio recording and editing to the level required for good podcasting
    Not yet.
64. Video recording and editing to the level required for good vodcasting
    I did actually do some vodcasts. So yes.
    Yep… I do need to make more videos…
65. What key I can sing in naturally / most easily
    How can I learn this? It would make transposing guitar tab a more directed exercise.
66. The value of my time
    It is valuable, but now I need to manage that valuable time a lot more effectively.
67. Better massage skills
    This doesn’t guarantee that other people can massage you any better. Sad but true.
68. Yoga exercises for my back
    Yep. Also, a laptop stand and a keyboard can make your life much more comfortable.
69. How to make an Iyengar style yoga bolster
    €55 at the Iyengar shop. Problem solved. Buying materials to make a heavy enough bolster would have cost just as much.
70. Meditation
    Since I don’t have a garden (yet) and have nothing to mindlessly weed I really do need to work on the meditation thing. Are there any non-sucky guided meditation podcasts out there?
71. Better public speaking
    I seem to engage my audience. I’m looking forward to more opportunities to improve on this.
72. Better Kitchener bind offs while knitting
    My socks have beautifully finished toes.
73. Better Illustrator / Inkscape / vector drawing skills
    Low priority.
74. Manual SLR Photography
    I just need to take more photos full stop, regardless of my manual skills.
75. How to say No to things I don’t really want to do.
    I’m getting way better at this.
76. Curry pastes from scratch
    Not yet, but what a good idea.
77. Plant grafting
    This comes under the heading of “Requires a garden space”. I’m getting pretty good at propagating pot plants but it’s not really equivalent to grafting an apple tree.
78. How to make Kway Teow
    I’m not sure that I even like Kway Teow anymore. Will have to research and eat some when I’m back in Adelaide.
79. How to make good laksa
    My urge to make Malaysian food is reduced to due to fairly lousy inspiration and supplies in Berlin. Making rocking Laksa would be awesome though.
80. Pasta making
    Just haven’t had the time.
81. Whittling
    This would be fun, but I’d rather knit.
82. How to be happy even when the sun isn’t shining
    Friends, drinking enough water, exercise, candles and fleeing to Australia over winter are all good remedies for this.
83. Belly dancing
    Not yet. Getting back into poledancing would be more interesting, but Berlin doesn’t seem to have classes in the same way Australia did.
84. Tai chi
    Nope.
85. Time management / project management software
    This would be really useful, but I have an aversion to Microsoft Project on moral grounds. Not sure what I should look at learning instead. Ideas?
86. A martial art
    Nope. I reckon tai chi would count though.
87. The rules of cricket
    I’m fleeing to an Australian summer. I’m going to make a lazy Boxing Day’s attempt at this.
88. The rules of football / soccer
    The World Cup and another season of Australian Rules have passed me by. Let’s just say I’m not interested at all.
89. How to be more self-reliant in a relationship
    A year and a half of a long-distance relationship mean that this is not an option. Yes.
90. Basic letterpress printing

Would be nice, but I don’t have a press.

91. How to run a small business
    I guess I’m trying to do this as I’m now contracting my work as a freelancer. It is so hard learning this in a non-English context.
92. Basic upholstery
    I keep on finding neat chairs that would be better recovered but am not finding any fabric in Berlin that I’d like to use. Still quite a practical skill but low prioirity.
93. Repeating fabric designs
    I think I wanted to learn the vector skills (73) and screenprinting stuff (20) in order to achieve this. It’s still interesting and I did a little of it working with Sprout Design back in 2007. Now I think I’d rather just buy someone else’s nice fabric and sew with that.
94. CPR refresher course
    No. Please don’t hurt yourself near me as my First Aid Certificate is well out of date.
95. Forest / countryside gleaning
    Getting better at this in Austrian contexts. Berlin’s offerings are often dog and human pee laden.
96. Food canning / preserving
    I made jam last year! I’d love to do some more canning. This summer I was far too busy and barely at home.
97. That martial arts type thing where someone kinda rolls their body up to standing.
    Why? It would be cool, but I can’t imagine when I’d use this skill. Obviously I wanted to do this for a cool recovery when I’d fallen off a unicycle.
98. How to be content with what I’ve got
    I am so happy with my life. I guess I’ve learnt how to do this, but I’ve also learnt to look for opportunity too.
99. How to write at an academic level
    I got an HD for my last assignment, but I just want to be able to articulate ideas clearly.
100. Better research skills: databases, academic journals and articles, Google scholar etc.
     Slowly slowly. I must work on my boolean search skills.

Phew. I reckon updating this list took more time than writing it the first time around!

Autumn Cheer, originally uploaded by Fighting Tiger.

A couple of years ago I posted a step by step approach to dealing with bouts of anxiety or depression. It was some home brewed cognitive behavioural therapy that got me through some heartbreak. The bad times passed and then I deleted the post.

And even though I still followed some of my own advice, I’d forgotten how specific and useful a paper (or electronic) set of the reminders could be in times of the crazy sads.

A few months back an old housemate asked me where the post was and I couldn’t find it in either my archives or anywhere online. But yesterday I hit archive.org paydirt and found the text again. I twittered it and was told by a follower that she’d forwarded the link to a friend who’s going through some tough times – and that her friend had printed up two copies to keep by her side.

Which of course made me feel all happy, that maybe this list of actions might help more people than just me.

So… here is the In Case of Emergency list again. Please feel free to leave comments or further advice.

“On the ground” in Austria from battlecat on Vimeo.

California by FBZ, originally uploaded by Fighting Tiger.

Fabienne (aka FBZ) of fabienne.us and HardHack (May 28, 29, @ C-Base) drew a map of California for the nottoscale project.  The first Berlin Geek Picnic was rained out as you can see by the water stains on the map FBZ drew.

FBZ draws California from battlecat on Vimeo.

This week I’m overwhelmed with visits by half a dozen lovely people primarily from Adelaide band Brillig. It’s an absolute pleasure to be showing the first arrivals, Matt and Elizabeth around my new city.

I’m almost shaking with excitement for Thursday when some of my most absolute favourite people in the entire world come to visit. I think I’ll need to visit some more fotoautomats so that I can record their visits too!

As part of this learning I’ve started listening to a series of short lectures by  Mark Vernon, author of The Philosophy of Friendship, recounting and responding to Aristotle’s philosophy of friendship.

In Lecture 3, Vernon elaborates on Aristotle’s idea of 3 types of friendship: Useful,Pleasant and Good friends.  A lovely Australian friend, the zinestress extraordinaire  Maddy Phelan, describes these relationships as Situational (school / work), Activity (music, hobby) and Excellent (life long friends) friendships.  You meet most of your friends at work, school or in situations around your hobbies and passions, but not all of those friendships will last once those situations change. The friends who last despite life changes, are your Good or Excellent friends.

Before listening to these lectures, I’d already begun thinking of people I know as belonging to those categories. It prompts a series of questions: Why do some people stay friends while others drift away? Is this drifting something you can predict? How do you know when someone’s become an Excellent friend? Do you need a life change (new employment, travel) to really find out which friendships will survive? Do you need to share specific experiences / spend a certain amount of time with someone to strengthen and form a long-lasting friendship?

Mark Vernon describes Aristotle’s Good / Excellent friends as people you love for what they are or who they are in themselves. They’re the people you are friends with because of their “depth of character, goodness, passion or joie de vivre”.

As a personal exercise as part of 150 Things I asked myself to write a list of my most Excellent friends. I ended up with 7 people who I feel are my truest soul friends – people who I’ll continue to be friends with for the rest of my life, even if I only see them every few years. These are the friends I know intimately and who refresh my sense of self and personal energy whenever I see them.

I also made a list of about 15-20 people who might be in that Excellent friend category if I could have enough chances to spend time / communicate with them and develop a friendship further.  Luckily several of those people live here in Berlin. After only five months living in this town I feel very happy and lucky knowing that I have potential Excellent friends.

“The better these friends are as people, the better the quality of the friendship. This friendship is therefore also the rarest. And it takes time to grow: they must savour salt together, Aristotle says, and trust one another…

…What is quick to arrive is a wish for friendship – what is not quick to rise is friendship itself.”
Mark Vernon,

*To tangent away from friendship itself, I want to add that the social networking sites I feel most comfortable with and trust more as brands are those which are more honest about the type of connection / relationship that is being made: Do you want to follow person x? (Twitter) or Do you want to add this person as a Conact? Are they a Friend or Family member? (Flickr)

For me, the phrasing of the questions also encourages me to think more about the type of information I’ll share with members of those social networks. Facebook seems to encourages people to share far more information online by the use of the word ‘friend’ to describe contact: “of course I’ll share my home address with this person who I’ve met once – they’re my ‘friend’”.

I think that I’m most interested in the ‘betweenness’ of two people becoming friends and one of the topics I wish to explore is how a developing friendship is acknowledged: how do they negotiate and acknowledge that transition, what level of formality is assumed, are there cultural associations marking the transition of friendship?

To elaborate on this point, I’ll paraphrase my Quebecois flatmate:

How many of your Facebook friends do you kiss [on the cheek]?

I have close friends in all of the places I lived who I hug or kiss upon greeting, but from my perspective that is not part of my formal culture as it is for other, particularly French speaking people.

At a language level does the shift from the formal to informal pronoun (vous/ tu in French, Sie, du in German) happen before, at a similar time or after the cheek kissing? I have a feeling that traditionally, language shifts would have been a more important signifier of intimacy in Europe, but what about with languages such as Japanese of Korean?

I’m interested in exploring this cultural friendship marker further, at some point after first meeting, two people decide that they are now “kissing friends”. What type of developments and conversations happen to encourage that transition? At what level of intimacy and shared personal histories does this happen? Are most people unaware of this transition or do they make a conscious decision to move a friendship forward?

This article from the Psychology Today website that has really helped me focus some of my thoughts about the process of how we become friends. I’d particularly like to get hold of a book by Beverly Pehr called Friendship Processes which is mentioned in the article and unavailable in Berlin libraries.

If you’d like to support my DIYMasters you can make a donation, or you could buy Friendship Processes or another item from my Amazon wishlist.

Visitors to Adelaide during festival season (Adelaide Festival of Arts, Fringe Festival and Womadelaide) are given a strange impression of the town, there are people energised and out partying on the streets every night! There’s culture down every alley and even if you don’t like ‘culture’, there’s also a very loud car race which happens around the same time. The rest of the year, while it can be difficult to remember the party face the city puts on, it is still a lovely place that I miss.

Foolishly I’ve managed to miss out Adelaide Fringe and most frustratingly, Womadelaide for the last few years as I always seemed to book my flights back to Europe in winter just in time for slushy side walks and freezing winds.

If you’ve never experienced Womadelaide festival you really should. For three days the most beautiful park in Adelaide is full of world music, hippies and happy, relaxed, white-middle class families wearing ethnic clothing bought at the previous year’s festival. It is a time of picnics, temporary camps under amazing old trees, children wandering around and playing diablo, amazing art installations and all my favourite people.

This year I feel even more sad that I don’t get to be in Adelaide at this most wonderful of times as during Fringe there’ll also be the first Format Festival, run by some very dear friends of mine. Only last week did I realise that maybe I should have tried to organise a simultaneous Academy of DIY here in Berlin as part of my DIYMasters project. So while there won’t be a Berlin Academy of DIY this March, I’m hoping that in the next couple of months I’ll organise a similar event celebrating self-organised learning and informal teaching and community.

I won’t be around in Adelaide for the festivals this year, but if you’re in Australia make your way over to my home town and have fun on my behalf. During February / March 2010 though, is when I’m planning on making a short return to a festival filled Adelaide, my friends and family and the smells of dry earth and eucalyptus leaves. Until then, I’m looking forward to watching Berlin move from grey skies to blue and experiencing this city as it wakes from its winter hibernation.

Jasmine tea has always been important to me when living overseas. My odd penchant for cold and wet places means that I keep on missing out on important stuff like sun and flowers. One of the ways I’ve got over that is by drinking jasmine tea, closing my eyes and thinking about Adelaide.

I think that one of the reasons why I’ve begun to focus on friendship is that it actively draws my mind back to people I care about. I have a strong academic and creative interest in the theory of friendship which is very important in motivating me to explore the area. But there is also the payback of regularly acknowledging the presence of the people I know, whether they are my most intimate friends or people I used to serve beer to.